~mY wORdS~

a silence goodbye...

2day...weather was good..not too cold...& not too hot..as usual aft lecture, we went for lunch...den we headed to hospital...aft few hours...back to hostel...

2day...reached hostel as usual...nearly 4.30pm..d moment i step in hostel's lobby..i saw a table with flowers, candles and a photo on it..d lobby looked dark...silent...no tv is on..no mama-s sitting n chatting...but onli can c 'dejuine mama'..she was talkin to a student...n she looked so miserable...her eyes were so watery...i can feel dat d tears wil drop anytime fr her eyes..i dun dare...dun dare to stop by n listen...dun dare to look at her eyes n face any longer...i afraid i will tears too...feel d grief deeply fr d bottom of my heart...4 yrs...since d 1st day i stepped in here...dis is d 1st time i felt dis..1st time i felt wordless n walked bk to my room....

ppl said wen d sky turns dark..it makes u more emotional... i suddenly felt dis 2nite...wen d water splashed on my face n body..it was warm...so warm..not onli warmed d surface of my skin...but it warmed my chest...my heart...jus felt like staying longer in d bathroom...i took a very long bathe 2nite...n was thinking...human came to dis world alone...by herself...n wen she left...alone too...all d ppl n things in dis world r jus to accompany her...to cheer her up..to put smiles on her face..n wat left behind wen she left?? name...reputation...memories??

she left sum memories in my head...fr d 1st yr...til nw...4th yr...she was owas there wen probs arised..wen my bed is too thin to slp on...wen i lost my laptop which i used for onli months...she asked n reminded me al d time..to lock my door properly everytime she c me...n changed d lousy door to a new 1 d nex day..wen my room was 'infected' with rats...she tried her best to help n kill them...tho she onli gave me a packet of poison...n arranged to close all d holes..but those things worked..den...wen our unit flooded with water during d summer break...n again our room 'infected' v rats..n wen they decided 2 confiscate our water filter...she was there to back us up...helped us to hide fr those big big ppl during 'spot check'...

tho she looked fierce but she was so motherly to us...our hostel commandant..she..she left yesterday..left us 4ever..n she left nth 4 us...but memories...

.....

nw is 4.52am..silence..with d tickling sound of d clock..tick..tick..n tick...it makes me feel d loneliness dat i hav nvr felt b4...so empty right here, right nw..

i lost 'sth'...sth dat warmed my heart al dis while...sth dat kept me going..dat helped me wen thru every single things here...no matter wat came...diff kinds of obtacles...i wen thru without fear bcos of dis 'sth'...

cos of it..i laughed..i smiled..i jumped v joy..i was touched..but i fell...i wept...i dissapointed...n miserable too...it stood a big space in my life diary...n i hav 'grown up' lots cos of it...

i wil go on....go on...n go on....cos i really believed in d phrase...'everythin happened 4 a reason..'...2 hav d courage to leave behind dis 'sth' dat built in my heart al dis while is really tough...but i hav no regrets dat i had it...accompanied me al dis while....

gal n guy

gal feels and she moves...guy thinks before he moves...

gal talks wen she is in guilt...guy keeps in silence...

gal did it bcos she loves...guy did it bcos he enjoyed...

gal drinks to recall d past...guy drinks to forget d past...

gal left bcos she felt d separation....n guy left cos he doesnt love u anymore...

.......

wah...time flies...i dun even realised it was a yr ago...i meant d las blog i post was a yr ago..

the weather here is getting colder..weather changed so drastically in a day...at d same time ppl change too..fr bad to worst...fr good to best...wat bout me?? hehe..i duno..

time...it taught me to...to rest...to work...to consider...to forgive..to find...to understand...

but til a certain period of time...wil u feel tired?? tired to forgive...to find...to understand...to consider...n to work...

however, if feel tired...rest...rest.. rest cos wan to  walk further...for a longer distance...

baby...

..very tired 2day..juz came bk fr hospital..first time feed milk to a 2 months baby ..he is very very very small la..his head is as big as d 'fuji apple' ler..he has big eyes..i hold him 4 at least 30 -40 mins la..2 feed him..he sucked a while den rest a while..den suck til half way..he fall asleep..so cute..

i wen v s.hui n maysun..their babies oredi finish d milk but my baby stil sucking..im wondering y he so slow..den dey said d baby is a bit slow wan..den i kept waiting til he sucks finish la..but i stil curious y he keeps sucking but d level of milk stil not decrease wan??..

haha..i so blur ler..is d teat dat get blocked ler..hahaha..i sumore keep saying d baby slow n keep say ' baby gambateh la, cos my hand geting numb soon'..haha..manatau im d wan blur...30 ++mins holding d baby..now my left hand oso no energy liao..hehe..but very fun la..after milk d babies wil smile wan..b4 milk,they cried til d ceiling oso bergoyang ar...:p d baby has no name ler...im thinking of giving him a name..stil thinking..so dat i won call him 'baby, baby ar' again..u all sure wondering y they hav no name yet ler..cos they r orphans..mayb got name la but i duno..cos my rusian 'cha' ma..communication prob..:p

~ mice~

now is almost 11pm here..i was studying..but suddenly no mood to study pula..at first very beria-ia studying..but..hehe..lots of things cross by my mind..lots things to settle and have to b done by next week ler..my aerobic competition, 3 tests, my reworks, my airtix, and my room with d new 'roomates'- the MICE!!

is so unbelievable they are back after a 3 months hibernation..sigh..after 1 week trying to dig holes..they finally did it!! n they showed up..really headache bout dis!!! wen wil i get rid of them ar...i oso feel very curious how they manage to climb 3 floors..and so many rooms..they juz like to stay here..i have tried so many ways but they stil alive..they r so GENG!!! and wat iritate me the most is d sound of digging n bitting..sometimes it really scared me..n i have to b alert when to jump on d chair wen they start running around..

sigh...i miss my home...home sweet home..m'sia is always d best..at least d mice r not dat scary..

AAAHHHH!!!!! they moving now liao..they r coming out la!!!wat to do??????wat to do???? can i juz chop them off..but i know wen i c them i wil b d one who run 1st...:'(

so touched...

hey ppl..mus watch d movie 'wait til u get older' by Andy Lau...it's really touch n meaningful..its really d movie of d year..it make me cried nonstop especially at d ending part..every words r so meaningful..make me feel dat life is so short..d 'xiao guang' in d movie so ke-lian ler...so mus 'zhen xi yan xian ren ar'..watch n u wil feel it...the best movie i ever watched dis yr..:p

M€RdEkA!!!

Finally finished!!! it was a very tough time..really tough..felt like giving up in d 1st place..but..at last..i went thru, i went thru..all dis tough n 'abnormal' time..cant imagine wat i looked like for d passed 2 months..onli slept 4-5 hrs perday..n eyes look like panda's eyes...n walk oso feel like 'floating'..hehe..really happy dat i made it!!...but after wen thru all dis..i know im getting tougher tho i wept, i complained..i mumbled..but i know dat life is gonna be tougher n not easier..n dat r goin to b tougher n tougher 4 d time coming..:p anyway..im so glad dat i wil b home..really feel like crying..:p d feeling is so great, i oso duno how to describe ler...miss my family..miss my frens n of cos my bf...hehe..really hope to c them asap..n is so great dat i can celebrate cny v my family dis yr!! haha... :p

All the best n Good luck to those who wil b sitting for exams soon!!!! gambateh!! stil have few days to go..dun give up!!!! go go go...

lazy worm.....

tOday 14/12...one more month fr dis date..exactly on d 14..im gonna sit 4 my anatomy final exam... :( i duno wat happened to me..seems to have no mood to study ler..StRess??!! asking me stress o not?? im stress!!! but besides stress..i feel lazy oso la..my laziness oredi overcomes my stress..hai..i duno wat m i crappin here..ppl like me onli know how to complaint n do nothing..n wen things really happened onli cry n regret...always cry over d split milk...sigh..think i oso 'no medicine to cure' la..where got medicine to cure laziness ar?? if got mus tell me ar.. :P ....hahahaha...

aM i cOmplainInG???...

..have been hibernating for few days..duno wat happened to me..dis 2 days..cant really concentrate on thins dats goin on..jus passed midnite..n now is rainin outside...mayb im expecting sumthing to happen..but it turned out to dissapointed me...sumtimes i asked myself, am i too demanding in certain cases..other den studies la...sumtimes i expect 'dis' n expect 'dat' to hapen but it jus doesnt  goes d rite way..its true dat "d more u expect d more dissapoinment u wil get"...but sumtimes it is jus a very simple thing..but it jus cant goes my way..a simple thin dat every1 can do..m i complaining?? my expectation 2ppl around me is really nothing...but y so hard..is jus things dat every1 manage to do..sumtimes i really dun understand..i jus wan things to b better...

haiya...i oso duno wat am i talkin bout...